Silent Lover

Dear,

Its been sometimes since i last published my post, AGAIN. Well, I'm trying to keep myself busy with my daily life. Unknown for what reason, i found myself at home today, after a breakfast, got into blogspot.com and here I'm writing this.

It have been a long ride to me. As all the while I keep finding activities for myself. Whether its a badminton game, a gathering, a snooker or even gamble. Everything to me is like so fresh.

I have never had a life like this before, but people do change right? However its not my heart that have changed, but rather I'm trying to change my heart, which I failed all the times.

Some words are meant to be private and confidential but still, I cant keep it to myself. Here is the only place which I can voice out. But I still feel so insecure. As this is publish publicly, LOL.

Lots of things happen lately which made me grew up, being a much much more mature guy, I THINK. However I cant resist the temptation of being flirtatious. I know i know that I'm not supposed to do so, but then nothing really happen. I'm just being talkative, so please don't, really, don't get me wrong. I hate being misunderstand, yet I am 100% lazy to explain. I only explain myself when I am alone, or I only will explain whenever I'm here. This is due to that no one will even read this fucking post.

dear,

LORD. what have happen to me recently? when one is in dark time, all the devils will be standing there to just to get a piece of me. right now, i know its raining and heavy storm here, but im learning to dance through out the rain. i know i may get sick, but at least i have fun and i know how to wait through the storm to pass.

Oh Lord, can you just let problem and matter leave me alone? i really wanna be someone w/o any problems. i wanna lead a carefree life, can u bring me somewhere i belong to?

Lord,

i saw so many pict of her, which makes me distracted yet i pray to lord for your safety and happiness. i know my fault and my mistakes, so i will not bother your life anymore. one will never know what brought us to such a situation, where this is how we end up. heart break, sad, tears, disappointment, all of them came to me when i was sleeping, and the feeling really sucks. now, all i ever wanted is your happiness, being the priority in your life. and you still lives in my heart.

and to her, im really down with the way you treated me. to me, you have never care nor even bother how i felt. however i wish you could change. im lost and i need some guidance through out this situation, not someone or something to worsen the situation. though im the guy here, but hey, guys gets lost sometimes too OK?

and to myself, i hope that this is the ending yet another new beginning for me. i wish myself all the best and i hope this beginning is the one i wanted so badly.

still, i will not give up on myself no matter what happen. though this is my first experience, i gain a lot, and i mean a lot.

dear,

in my life, why is there so many disappointment? i rarely disappoint another person. well, rarely but there still is.

this girl have shown me a lesson, which is to get out of such a suffering love. well, sign, sealed and delivered. but what i dont even understand is how could she be the sofohaifai again. aint she wants to lead a better life? i dont understand at all. im jotting down here is because i do not want her to be such a SFHF.

she have been betrayed, disappoint, and now she is back to the where she would have been. yeah, PTMLFU. she told me this which until today i have not found out the real answer, ROFL. maybe is just a "FU" at the end of the statement.

in most cases, i would refer her as childish. or maybe something we call "immature". or what so ever.

alright, maybe i'm not in her shoes so i do not know what exactly have happen.

sometimes all this happen i would call this "KARMA".

VLLF have treated me like this before, so what goes around comes around. i have never blamed anyone for what have happens as all this is part of life. maybe its a time for me n VLLF to go through, to see how much we love each other.

i might never have the chance to be with VLLF again, as she have choosen a HKSC. i ain't gonna be sad over what happen, if possible, i would just go back to my single life which i think would be a good time right now, as i can focus on finding more money and friends which i lack of right now.

by this time, VLLF is already going to airport. well, all the best to VLLF and CWLC. i realize i lost 2 person in less than 2 days, LOL.

It's a morale there is a morale to be learnt which only i, myself know it.

dear,

its been a week since i ever wrote to you.. but to me, i stil have the same words...who would even give a fuck on my blogs or post. im not anyone popular nor am i someone important.

yeah, for the question of " then why are you still writing this blog?" my answer would be "its none of your business on what ever shits i do, as long as i know what shit i get. you can leave right now if you do not want to continue any further down."

well, for this weeks update, let me tell you bout something which i have been keeping for sometimes. it might be considered a secret but, i think a lot of peepz out there have know this very well.

do you all know what brand uses a rabbit as their signs? PLAYBOY
yes, playboy. though my looks is like shit, and i am poor, with nothing in my hand and my wallet, i still can seduce girls. ROFL. maybe its just my mere luck, or sometimes i would call it an attraction. but attraction? LOL, what do i have to make someone attracts to me? im not so sure, but i have a skill, a job which i think i may succeed in if i do it...

some says my acting skills are very good, especially my ex. im not so sure whether should i even post this out, cos i think my girl will leave me after this. LOL

anyway, that was forever ago...

just voicing out to let myself feel better

dear,

im doin this alone. not that someone brought me into this stage, maybe its just a destiny. probably you are gonna start a fight, but this aint right, i know you know. i had loved you endlessly though you werent there for me. so now its time for me to leave, and make it on my own.

i know that i cant take no more, it aint no lie. yeah, i know it would be breaking my heart, but i had enough of L-O-V-E.

sometimes im wondering, am i the player in the game for 2, or did im just the victim. i dont really wanna make it tough, but i just had enough. and yes, i totally agree with my life would be better once you disappeared from my life.

im giving up i know for sure, though there is a tiny chance, but im totally out of this game. i dont wanna be the reason for both of you, having to quarrel, and also not in love. i know both of you are in love. so lets take a time out.